Step To

On that Friday I met with a mentor.  I was fortunate that he came bearing a gift; a key aspect of the mentor's part.  The gift was an insight; he declared me a theologian. 

Now I thought theology was what we called it when we tried to understand God; I considered it the study of the world's view of God.  But he put it differently, he described it as the exercise of seeing the world as God does; the pursuit of God's view of the world.

Another thing; reality.  God's view is the real reality.  He is the Definitive, the Absolute Prototype of being.  He gives meaning to everything, and everything finds its reference and context in Him.  In that image, part of the human role is to name, to identify, and to declare purpose and consequence, pattern and rule in our observation and participation in our world.  We are creation's voice to its creator, and the hands of God to the crops and creatures.  Yet we live in filtered realities.  Our perception is skewed and damped, our range restricted.  It is almost certain that we each live in a false reality, yet freedom lies in the light.

Now how God sees things has also risen out of conversation that I've shared over this topic of the seemingly conflicting rule of God and mess of the world.  If Jesus is the visible image of this invisible God, and He showed unrestrained hostility toward sickness, shame and death, then how is it that sometimes healing doesn't come and death perseveres?  How is it that God is over, in and through it all and the sickness persists?

I can accept the view of the free world, relinquished control and the restrained hand of judgement.  But Love cannot help but intervene.  God cannot help but hear.  I see miracles and I see the divine initiative.  The outworking is utterly personal.  There are no rules, only relationship.  But here's my crux.  I can't work out what His priorities are; the values applied to the decision to act.  I get stuck on the Barney story, which somehow becomes my ensign for all the suffering and disappointment I see.

God is in all, and He feels the pain and dwells in the heart of the victim.  He is the God who Hears, the God who Sees.  Is He the Great Overseer or the Abiding Witness?  What is the default condition of this age?  He refuses to destroy an evil city for the sake of a few good men within.  But I see the action of unconstrained love in Jesus. 

So where are we now?  What is the present reality?  I think we're on the Road Back, but what are the rules, and how is it with the residual enemy?  Finding the realty should resolve the conflicting projections.  Then there is freedom, and in Reality is life.

Entry No. 1

For now, this blog is for the writing, not the reading (except by me).

It is part of my journey into song writing and, for want of a better word, theology.  For some time, I have sensed God's permission and call to write songs.  I've started.  But more recently I've felt inspired to push for a deeper realisation of God in His Creation.  For me, the reality has to be greater.  God is utterly universal and fundamental.  The very fabric of creation; whatever essential substrate it is that we propagate through, is woven with His song and purpose.  The universe inevitably echos His beauty, which reemerges from even the most horrific distortion.  It revolves about Christ as it's origin, the focus of all things, all things.  And there is the Re-Creation, the renewal, the restoration, reconciliation of it all.

If His Gospel is woven into the very ether, then it must be an essential thing.  Not complicated or the stuff of reason, but simple mystery; beautiful, awful and utterly personal.  With God, it's always personal.  He is Love.  He is also wild, unconstrained by rules or principles.  He is fearsome.

I have been struck by the Hero's Journey.  If Joseph Campbell has extracted the common spirit from the legends, myths and stories of many cultures, this is likely to be riddled with the revelation of God in the hearts of men; Jesus Christ.

In essence, the Journey is transformation.  And that is the journey led by Jesus.  The incarnation was a transformational act in the very being of THE LORD. The crucifixion was a transformational act in the spiritual realm of creation.

We are called to follow; to enter the special world of relationship with our God (the Life Force) and be transformed.  It inevitably takes us to death, but the prize is transcendent life.  That's our identity.  Our purpose; to join in the transformation of the world.  To partake in the re-creation - we call it the Kingdom.  It is the same transformation we undergo in our beings, but we minister it as priests to creation, and the Image-Bearers who suffer under it's current distorted turbulence.

Recent events have served me with a call to adventure.  In the context of this strong desire to write songs which speak of deep truth, and my efforts to allow my faith to be formed into a more Christ-like, incarnational, physical acknowledgement of God in all, I have suddenly been disappointed and confused.  My view of God was broadening; I wasn't under the impression that bad and evil didn't pervade, but I did believe that anything was possible, and that Jesus, who has the will and the power to work in all situations, was available in all.  This sense was rocked by the events that culminated in the death of our cat, Barney.

First, a reminder of me and cats.  Since my earliest days I have been an animal lover, and this was most clearly exemplified in my love of our pet cats.  For most of my childhood, my cat was a very close companion, and as an adult I still consider the pet cat to be a full member of the family.

Just about a month ago, Barney our one and a half year old cat, went missing for a few days.  We were vey concerned as he was a creature of habit and we knew something must be wrong.  We searched literally day and night, we flyered the local area and put up posters.  We phoned vets and animal charities.  We followed up calls, we had an announcement on the radio.  We left the 99, stopped living and searched for Barney.  We prayed.  Our church friends prayed.  Our families prayed.  We doubt that a domestic moggy has ever had so many requests made to the almighty on their behalf!  And we trusted.  Our searching was not out of doubting God, but rather to live out the demonstration that the spiritual and physical are united.  The miraculous and the laws of physics go hand in hand as they are both ordained by God.  There is no conflict as both honour God, and He honours both.  We were concerned, but we felt peace.

Four days later we received a phone call.  Barney had just been run over and was dead.  I cycled from work to collect his body, it must have been only an hour or so after he'd died that I got there- the home owner had one of our flyers so had called us almost immediately.

The part that hit us was that he had been run over on his way home.  We had worked out from the reports and responses we'd had from neighbours, that Barney had most likely ventured off our housing development and into the nearby allotments for the first time.  He was probably either lost or trapped in a shed or greenhouse.  I had searched the allotment a number of times and put up posters.  It seems that we were right, as Barney was hit as he crossed the road back from the allotment to our estate.

He had survived the ordeal.  He was on his way home.  And then it was all ended in a moment.

And our question was: why?

We know many of the arguments or explanations used for suffering in the world (by the way I realise this is nothing- the insane horror of our world is not aptly represented by the death of a pet cat).  But none of them seem to fit..  Sure, the driver had free will to drive fast or not spot a cat or not swerve or brake or whatever.  But Barney wasn't human; there's no principle of free will that has to be upheld to prevent a cat from waiting a few more seconds to cross..  Or maybe we've dragged an innocent cat into our fight and he's taken a hit for our faith, maybe he's now a Christian cat..  So why not whisper a word of warning to him.  Maybe we're taking it all to seriously, but if that's the case why not knock out a small favour; it means a lot to us after all and we've got loads of people praying.

I could go on.  The truth is that God has spoken on the matter.  Rosie and I have both felt Him say that actually Barney means more to Him than us, and that God feels the hurt of the event even more intensely.  God values Barney more than we do, and he feels the pain of the sick irony more strongly too.

And so my call to adventure.  The scope of my search has widened to try to make some kind of sense of the terrible wrenching pain of this world, as well as discover God saturating it all through the depths and heights.  I have been unsettled, disturbed, and I can't go back.

So how to go forward?  I need to forge time for writing; expressing; praying and worshiping.  I will let God have His portion.  Of course His portion is it all, but I shall give it intentional expression - manifestation in time and attention.

But I know that this Jesus has be be experienced.  And He demands action.  So I find myself searching the things I've felt called to in the last few years.  In a list:

My Family (wife, toddling daughter and unborn daughter)
Sex & Marriage (theology of..!)
Slavery (ending of)
Fairtrade (spreading of, especially at my workplace)
Music (song writing, performing)
Worship Leading
Wanting to speak in Tongues (complicated)

Where next, who knows?

I've received the Call.  In my heart I deny it as I still seem to hold Barney's death against God, emotionally if not consciously.  I need His help on this.  Next; meeting with the mentor, which looks well lined up for Friday morning.

And that's where I am.

Ends.